The Rough Patch: Marriage and the Art of Living Together by Daphne de MarneffeFrom a leading clinical psychologist who has counseled couples and individuals for decades, a wise, radical, and optimistic approach to marriage that promises compatibility between an individual’s development and the often relentless demands of a relationship.
People today are trying to make their marriages work over longer lives than ever before—for their children’s health and well-being, and for their own. Indeed, among the college-educated, divorce rates have declined. But staying married isn’t always easy. In the brilliant, transformative, and optimistic The Rough Patch, clinical psychologist Daphne de Marneffe explores the extraordinary pushes and pulls of midlife marriage, where our need to develop as individuals can crash headlong into the demands of our relationships.
The Rough Patch is divided into chapters that address key problems that challenge marriages: money, alcohol and drugs, the stresses of parenthood, sex, extramarital affairs, lovesickness, health, aging, children leaving home, and dealing with elderly parents.
De Marneffe offers readers seasoned wisdom on these difficulties, addressing the psychological, emotional, and relational capacities we must cultivate to overcome them as individuals and as couples. Blending research, interviews, and clinical experience, and writing with uncommon insight into the daily behaviors of men and women, de Marneffe dives deep into the workings of love and the structures of relationships. Every reader will find himself or herself in these pages.
Intimate and sometimes gritty, The Rough Patch is an essential, compassionate resource for people trying to understand “where they are” on the continuum of marriage, giving them a chance to share in other people’s stories and struggles. With humor and deep seriousness, de Marneffe helps men and women understand themselves in order to move in the direction we’re all trying to go: a life lived with integrity, vitality, and love.
5 Signs You Shouldn't End a Relationship Because of Rough Patches
5 Ways to Overcome a Rough Patch in Your Relationship
No matter how hard you may try to keep the peace, you and your partner are bound to clash at some point. Trust issues, miscommunication or lack of communication, jealousy, and insecurity are just a few issues which can take a toll on a relationship. If you and your partner are willing to work together, not all hope is lost. You can still work toward bringing your relationship back to a place of happiness between you and your SO. One of the biggest mistakes you can commit is not talking things through to avoid an argument. Your emotions cannot be swept under the rug. You need to verbalize what you feel in an attempt to fix what is broken.
Kriste Peoples. And messy. And painfully disorienting. For better or worse, relationships call us out to our edges ; they shape and teach us; and they inform the ways we show up in the world by bringing our issues to the surface and by triggering our flight responses once the honeymoon wanes. In the early stages of new love , the first waves buoy our spirits and renew our faith in the possibility of healthy partnership. In those situations that jar our sense of kismet and perfection, it would seem there are suddenly plenty of reasons to cut and run, but there might also be just as many arguments for sticking with it. To keep you going—and staying —here are five more good reasons:.
When it comes to relationships, you never want to feel like you've settled. It's better to be single, after all, than to be in a relationship that makes.
make your mind an ocean
But while every couple has arguments, not every relationship makes it out to the other side unscathed. For starters, happy couples are able to work through issues and keep the flame alive, through strong communication, a willingness to change, and, of course, undying love. Even a good relationship has its fights, but these fights tend to get resolved within the day. Being a parent is important, of course, but so is being a partner. And when you unconsciously neglect your relationship to focus entirely on your family, you and your spouse become more like roommates than lovers. When you put other responsibilities ahead of your relationship, you risk losing it altogether.
Relationships can be difficult, and the majority of couples go through ups and downs as they determine whether they are compatible for the long haul. However, some rough patches are more serious than others, and are indicators that the relationship may not, or should not, survive. Here are a few common issues when couples go through rough patches, and what they mean for the future of your relationship. Boredom can be a signifier of a low point, or a harbinger of the end of the relationship , depending on the severity. Do you still remember why you were initially attracted to your partner?
Even couples in healthy relationships argue, we know this. But sometimes it's hard to figure out whether a prolonged period of arguing and feeling frustrated and angry is just a "rough patch", or a sign that the relationship has reached crisis point - that you've fallen out of love with each other. It's easy to shrug off a few weeks - or even months - of crappy times in your relationship as a rough patch, hoping things will get better. But, according to Ammanda Major, a relationship therapist and head of service quality and clinical practice at Relate , some behaviours or issues in your relationship could indicate that it's more than a rough patch, and that the love you once had for each other may not be retrievable. Please note: Ammanda's advice is based on general relationships, and should not be applied in situations involving abuse of any kind. But, they're usually about two people, so you should be aware of the part you have probably played in it. It's about addressing what is happening in the relationship.